


The Real Magician

by Pink_Polenta



Series: The Adventures of Desmond [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Can't blame us for putting two and two together, Gen, Magicians, OC, The Doctor really does look like a magician, we told you he was like a magician
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4521183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pink_Polenta/pseuds/Pink_Polenta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clara thinks The Doctor looks like a magician and thinks this is funny.</p><p>The Doctor decides a trip is in order.</p><p>Here they meet a man whom annoys the Doctor with skepticism.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for incorrect use of English (sometimes). English is not our native tongue.

The Doctor was fiddling with some controls while talking animatedly to Clara about one thing or another. Clara wasn’t really concentrating on what he was saying though (a nod or a ‚hmmm’ at the right moments seemed to satisfy The Doctor), instead she was paying attention to the way he used his hands while talking. Ever since The Doctor had mentioned that he turned out a magician during the Robin Hood ordeal she hadn’t been able to take her mind off it. He really did look and move like a magician. Clara couldn’t help but snort.

"What’s so funny, Clara?”  
"I can’t help it Doctor, but you really do look like a magician.”  
"Me a magician? I’ll show you a magician!”

And with those words The Doctor changed the coordinates and set off.

————————————————————————————

The TARDIS materialized in a quiet back alley. Clara stepped onto the cobblestones wearing a beautiful black dress. The Doctor on the other hand, hadn’t bothered to change at all.

"You told me it was going to be fancy.”  
"It’ll be, just be patient.”

The Doctor offered his arm to Clara and she gladly took it. When they rounded the corner a look of confusion blossomed on Clara’s face. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something wasn’t right. She looked around trying to determine it. She discovered that a lot of little things were off. The street lights, for example, weren’t green and red. They were orange and lilac.

"Doctor?”  
"Yes, Clara?”  
"Where are we?”  
"This planet is called Thesmos. Home of the finest magicians in the universe. The tricks human magicians pull off are child’s play in their eyes.”  
"And I almost thought we were going to do something normal.”

They turn another corner and enter a small theatre. The Doctor walks straight to the cashier.

"Two tickets for..”

He looks around and spots a poster announcing the theatre’s current magician.

"Desmond.”  
"Please” Clara adds.

—————————————————————————————

Clara and The Doctor sit down on the fifth row, slightly left to the center. The lights dim until it becomes near impossible to see at all. One powerful beam suddenly lights up the centre of the stage, there is no one there. The sound of thunder tears though the theatre and all the lights turn on for a split second. Many a heart skipped a beat because of this sudden event. Back on stage a man has appeared in the middle of the light beam. The man has white blond hair which would have reached his chin, hadn’t it been for the fact that it all had been swept back. Clara thought that it looked as if he styled his hair with a leaf blower. His clothes looked a lot like an old fashioned Earth suit It was burgundy, had ruffles and a little cape. The audience calmed down and the show began.


	2. Intermission

"So, Doctor.”  
"Hhhmmmm?”

The show had reached its halfway mark, which apparently meant a break. Clara and The Doctor had gone to the cafetaria and were now seated in the corner with two reddish drinks.

"What’s Thesmos like?”  
"Well.. The planet is located in the constellation of Sagitarius and is inhabited by the Vlegat race. They were actually the ones to transmit the wow signal.”  
"The wow what?”  
"Never mind…Thesmos is a lot like Earth, but there are a few small differences. Days and years are longer for example. Days are actually twice as long. Thesmos is also slightly bigger than Earth. Another astronomical interesting thing is their sun. It transmits more infrared light than Sol, your sun, but near to none UV-light. All these things combined have affected the vlegats and other beings on Thesmos.”  
"Then tell me, Doctor.”  
"Well, because of the planets rotation speed and the heat of the sun, the planet is a few degrees hotter on average than the Earth. This was the main cause for the vlegats to develop cooling systems earlier in their history than humans have. Also, the little amount of UV-light caused vlegats to have little need of pigment. Nearly all vlegats are blond and white. They do have different races amongst them, some even look slightly Asian, but no dark colouration. Which is the exact opposite of Hxlen.. We have to go to Hxlen sometime. Beautiful sky cities they have.”  
"Back to Thesmos…”  
"The flora on Thesmos is mostly orange because of the excessive amount of B-carotene in their leaves and stems.”  
"B-carowhat?”  
"It’s a kind of sugar. Carrots contain high concentrations of this sugar.”  
"Alright. So instead of being green, Thesmos is orange.”  
"Exactly!”  
"Is that why the traffic light had orange instead of green? Green being a positive colour on Earth.”  
"Yes, which also means.. Clara?”  
"Uhmmmm…. Purple! Is their blood purple? Red means danger on Earth because of the red colour of our blood.”  
"Indeed, Clara, indeed! Your blood is red because of hemoglobin. Hemoglobin has one iron atom which binds with oxygen, making your blood red. Vlegats do not have Hemoglobin, they have Haemerythrin. This enzym has two iron atoms, making their blood purple. Another interesting thing about the vlegat biology is that their organs are a mirror image to that of humans.”  
"You mean that their heart is on the right side instead of the left?”  
"Yes.”  
"So the vlegats are purple blooded magicians.”  
"Hmmmm, beside those things they are very much alike humans. They are even nearly as technological advanced at humans. Though at some areas more and others less.”  
"Care to give an example?”  
"They are less advanced in aviation, but I think that is mostly because Thesmos lacks birds.”  
"They have no birds?”  
"And therefore no airplanes, but their helicopters are more advanced than those on Eath.”

A bell rung, indicating the end of the intermission. The Doctor and Clara quickly finished their drinks and made their way back to their seats. The show resumed and Clara decided that she liked this way of learning about new planets.


	3. Act 2

Desmond was running across the stage like a madman. The show was going fantastic until a loud creaking noise could be heard. Suddenly Desmond stops running and looks around confused. It seemed like this wasn’t a part of the show. Without any further ado the stage collapsed and Desmond fell into the rubble. The doctor being who he is jumped up and ran to the stage. Clara followed him with a sigh. Realizing again that you cannot go anywhere with The Doctor without anything strange happening.

When they arrived The Doctor went to investigate the cellarage immediately. Clara, being the more sensible one of the two, went to see if Desmond was alright.

"Uhhhh.. Desmond?”

Desmond frowned and slowly opened his eyes. He reached out and touched Clara’s hair.

"So, dark.”  
"Well, you’re alright then.”

With that Clara moved out of reach, being slightly creeped out. Desmond didn’t bother to sit up straight. In the meantime The Doctor had pulled out his sonic screwdriver and started scanning the area.

"Nice wand.”

The Doctor looked at Desmond in shock.

"What.”  
"I said: Nice wand. I almost thought you were an amateur, but the nice design and special effects changed my mind. I’m not that much of a wand man myself, though.”  
"It’s not a wand! It’s a sonic screwdriver. I use it to scan the area.”  
"I don’t really care what you call it. It’s the same thing in the end. I prefer to scan the are like this.”

He said that while putting his thumb and index finger of his right hand to his forehead, closing his eyes and waving his left arm around. The Doctor grumbled in annoyance.

"Anyway, what’s your name?”  
"I’m Clara and this is The Doctor.”  
"Nice stage name, but what is your real name.”

The Doctor was too annoyed to deal with his antics.

"John Smith McCrimmon and Clara Oswin Oswald.”  
"Lisha Entlo Mackl, nice to meet you both.”  
"Nothing. I can’t find anything wrong down here.”  
"Maybe there is nothing wrong down here, but there is definitely something wrong up there.”

Desmond pointed at the ceiling. Clara and The Doctor both craned their necks to look at what Desmond was pointing at. Above their heads, intertwined with all kinds of cabled was someone who looked pretty dead.

"I think we ought to call the police.”

———————————————————

The police arrived with surprising speed. The Doctor, Clara and Desmond had all given their statements and were now sitting in the corner of the cafeteria.

"I can’t believe Gackle is dead.”  
"You knew him?” Asked Clara, seeing as The Doctor was not planning on taking part in the conversation.  
"Yes, he was my annoying neighbour and rival.”  
"Rival?”  
"Yes, the competition in the world of magicians is killing.”  
"….”  
"That came out wrong.”

————————————————————

After some time Desmond was taken away for further questioning. Now Clara could ask something she had wanted to ask The Doctor for a while.

"Why did you give yourself a second surname?”  
"Oh, that’s normal on this planet.”  
"So, these people now think that Oswin is one of my surnames.”  
"Yes.”  
"Doctor, I think it is best if we keep out of this mess.”  
"Why? It’s just getting interesting.”  
"Because it has probably nothing to do with aliens and can sort itself out. You could mess things up badly.”  
"Mess things up? Where has your trust in me gone… Anyhow the Thesmos police is very fascinating.”  
"…. Continue.”  
"Well, to become a police-officer on Thesmos, well at least in this country, you have to become a fully fledged magician as well as finishing a normal police training.”  
"What? Why?”  
"How else will you solve any crimes on a planet full of magicians?”  
"That’s a good point.”

Suddenly The Doctor stood.

"Well, lets go and investigate.”  
"Doctor!”

————————————————————

Clara and The Doctor miraculously escaped the clutches of the Police and had made their way up to the crime scene.

"What are we doing Doctor?”  
"Looking for clues.”

Clara watched out for the police while the Doctor searched the area.

"Aha!”

The Doctor showed Clara a red card that looked like an ID.

"Is that an ID card?”  
"Yes and the name doesn’t say Lisha or Gackle.”  
"So it could belong to the murderer?”  
"Quite so.”  
"That’s the most boring way to solve a murder.” "I know, but it works doesn't it?"

————————————————————

They made their way downstairs and were met with Desmond being handcuffed by a policewoman.

"I swear, I didn’t do it!”  
"He’s speaking the truth you know.”

The Doctor looked very triumphantly while he reached into his pocket to show them the card. Suddenly the look disappeared.

"Doctor, what’s wrong.”  
"I forgot I had a molecular shredder in that pocket.”  
"You mean you destroyed the evidence?”  
"Yes.”

Without The Doctor being able to prove Desmond’s innocence he was pulled towards the police car.

"We can’t just leave him like that, Doctor.”


	4. Finale

_"We can’t just leave him like that, Doctor.”_

The Doctor grumbled and sighed.

"Take him to the TARDIS when I give the sign.”  
"What sign?”  
"This one.”

The Doctor raised his sonic screwdriver in the air. Total chaos ensued. Lamps exploded, taps started running on their fullest and the radio was turned on and played extremely loud. The cuffs around Desmond’s wrists released him after which Clara quickly grabbed his hand. She, Desmond and The Doctor ran out of the theatre before the police had time to react.

———————————————————

They finally came to a stop in the alleyway where the TARDIS was parked.

"Nice trick, Doctor…. But this is a dead end! We have to go before the police finds us. They wont be stunned for long by your disappearance act.”  
"Just get in the TARDIS.”  
"The what?”

In the distance sirens could be heard and they were getting closer. The Doctor sighed, he was starting to do that a lot, and just dragged Desmond into the TARDIS.

"Wow, nice illusion. In the beginning I thought you might be an amateur, but now I am sure you are not.”  
"It’s not an illusion.”  
"Sure, I know how mirrors work. Also, this is not going to trick the police.”  
"Shut up.”

The Doctor decided to ignore Desmond and started to put the TARDIS in flight.

"Now the police wont get us.”  
"Clara, I think he needs medical assistance. He no longer sees the difference between reality and illusions.”

In response to this the Doctor threw open the TARDIS doors. The TARDIS was in orbit around Thesmos.

"That’s… That’s….”  
"We’re currently in orbit around Thesmos. Care to take a closer look.”  
"It can’t be! It just can’t.”

Desmond walked towards the open doors very slowly. In the mean time the Doctor opened a big chest and started to search within it.

"How is it even possible?”  
"There is a force field around the TARDIS. It protects us from the vacuum of space.” Clara explained with a smile.

The Doctor returned to Desmond and Clara with a piece of rope. In a quick succesion he tied it around Desmond’s ankle and rudely shoved Desmond out of the TARDIS.

"EEEEK.”  
"It. Is. Not. An. Illusion.”

———————————————

"So where are we going?”  
"Earth, Clara’s home planet, it’s quite a lot like Thesmos. You’ll be able to build a new life there.”  
"Right……”  
"Though everything is green instead of orange, but their technology is about as advanced as yours.”

_Wrop wrop wrop_

"We have landed.”  
"Shouldn’t I change?”  
"Sorry?”  
"Well, I don’t expect Earth fashion to be the same as on Thesmos. Shouldn’t I change to fit in?”  
"They rarely care, but if you really want to. The closet is [insert very long explanation]. Got it?”  
"Think so… But how do I know what to wear?”  
"There is a computer there that will make suggestions for you.”

———————————————

"So you think it is a good idea to drop Desmond on Earth? He has no idea of our customs!”  
"Don’t worry, humans rarely notice and when they do they most often just ignore it.”  
"TADAH.”

Clara and the Doctor turned around, but they didn’t see what they expected to see. Instead of being dressed in twenty-first century clothing, he looked rather… medieval.

"DOCTOR”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes Desmond's first adventure. More adventures are planned, but it would help if you gave us suggestions as to where you want to see Desmond next or which enemies he should face.


End file.
